この前、久しぶりに高校の同級生3人と会った。

「今何してんの?仕事は?恋人は?」的な、それぞれの近況報告に続いて、この場に居ないまた別の同級生へとその話題の対象は広がっていく。

「あいつ結婚したみたいよ。」
「あ、その子もあの子も来年結婚するって言ってた。」
「あの男に子供がいるなんて想像できるか?」

そう話しながら、mixiの母校コミュニティ内の同期スレッドを見て回ると、プロフィールに赤ちゃん写真を載せている人も何人か確認できた。

数年前には登場しなかった『結婚』というキーワードが頻出して正直ちょっと戸惑った。

結婚時期てのは、各人の人生設計やタイミングの問題だったりもするんで、別に「先を越される」とか「置いて行かれる」ってことでもないんだけれども、結婚ラッシュの波がもうそこまで来ていることを知って、なんだか複雑な気分になった。

そうか、オレ達ももう26そこらだもんな。結婚しててもおかしくない年だ。

オレの日々の行動範囲内では、そういった報告を身近な人からは聞かなかったので、自分の気付かないうちにこんなにも時代が動いてたなんて、とショックを覚えたのでした。

まーだからといって、オレにはまだまだ結婚願望なんて無いんですけど。

――――――――――――――――――――


という、長い前置きを踏まえた上で近況報告をしておこうか。

先日、彼女との交際が終了しました。

別にトラブルがあったわけでもケンカをしたわけでもなく、ただ恋愛に対しての捉え方が違ったことが原因であろうと。

「○○君(オレの名前)は結婚願望ってある?」

いつだったか、彼女にそんな問い掛けをされた時がある。

初めてカノジョが出来て間もない恋愛ビギナーのオレには、当然ながらそんな願望が沸くはずもなく遠い将来の話だと思いながら、「合体願望ならあるよ」という正直な気持ちを押し殺しつつ、「まだまだ好きなことしたいし全然ないわオレ」と間髪入れずに返したっけか。

「あたしはある。もう26だしそろそろ考えとかないと・・」

オレが、「でも結婚するその前に2人でしとくことあんだろ」的な中学生男子並の妄想で日々やってきた一方で、彼女は、かつて結婚を意識するぐらいの相手と付き合って別れたりしている。当然オレとは、『付き合う』『恋愛する』の重みも違ってきてる。それに加えて、冒頭のような周囲の結婚ラッシュも気になってた模様。

何もなかった過去の埋め合わせをしたいオレに対して、彼女は未来に繋げる恋愛を望んでいた。つまりは、「結婚を一緒に考え合える人じゃないと付き合えない」ってことだろう多分。

その日からしばらく経ってから改めて同じ質問をされ、オレが同じ返事をした後に「恋人→友達に戻ろう」て話になった。

ここで、オレも必死になって「ちょっと待ってよ!付き合って3カ月じゃまだ結婚とか見えるわけないよ!もう少し待って!好き好き!」とか食い下がったり、「将来キミとなら頑張れる!」的なことを言えば、また話は変わってきたかもしれない。だってお互い嫌いになったってわけじゃないし。

だけど、そういった適当な事は言わずに了承した。正直な思いで了承した。だってオレもこの子とはそう長くは続かないなとぼんやり思い始めてたから。

付き合って2カ月経った時ぐらいから、「彼女と会うより友達と会う方がずっと楽しい」と繰り返すオレに友達曰く、「幸せオーラが全然出てないよ」と。確かにそうだった。彼女は確かにかわいいけど、おとなし過ぎて一緒に居てあまりテンションは上がらなかったんだわ
(向こうも同じこと思ってるかもだけど)。それに、そこからでも盛り上げる器量ってのがオレには無かったんだわ。

そう思いつつ、オレは彼女が居ても居なくても毎週遊べるシフトを組んでいたし、組めてしまっていたので、こういう結末になるのも時間の問題だったんだろうなあと。それでもちょっと早過ぎたよなあ。。

恋人から友達へは戻れるとは思う。
でもやっぱり、突然なにかが終わる瞬間てのは寂しいもんやね。

3カ月間恋人として過ごして覚えたことは、女の子と手を繋ぐ楽しさ。
それはそれでオレにとっては十分価値のあることだったよ。。ありがとう。

コメント (103)

 

飲みか写真撮りなら付き合うヨ

投稿者 : 有閑マダーム@優香 | October 25, 2007 11:30 PM

 

んじゃ、いつかブラブラしたいかも。
堤防に座って缶コーヒー飲みながら・・のレベルで。

投稿者 : 管理人 | October 27, 2007 9:02 PM

 

おつけいヨ~
やっぱ関空?w
近さで言うと伊丹希望だけど、堤防ないやん

投稿者 : 有閑マダーム@優香 | October 27, 2007 11:22 PM

 

おおおお!

恋愛って難しいのかしら・・

投稿者 : げらり | February 2, 2008 11:59 AM

 

> げらり

そうそう、こういうことになってまして。
ね、あれはそもそも恋愛だったのかっていうね。
恋愛を始めたかったオレのエゴだったのかもしれませんけど、後悔はしていない。むしろよくやったよと。

げらりはどうなんだい。

投稿者 : 管理人 | February 19, 2008 3:00 AM

 

自分は結婚しやす。
みっくしや周囲はお互いの知り合いだらけなので、ここだけのはなし、複雑な心境でやんす。

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